My youngest daughter, Alice, is four months old tomorrow and tonight we put her to bed for the first time in her own room. My heart is aching and already grieving those magical newborn days that at the time feel like they’ll last forever, yet here I am utterly flabbergasted at how fast they flew by.
Everyone had already warned me that once you have your second baby, time takes on a new speed, a neck- and heart-breaking pace that you cannot slow down no matter how much you try to linger in the moment. Knowing this, I’ve really made an effort to absorb her sweet little face and tried SO hard to memorize every little expression, movement and milestone. I’ve taken about a hundred photos of my girls daily, in a vain effort to seal those memories inside me forever; I just don’t want to forget anything at all. Even the challenges.
It honestly feels like yesterday that I saw Alice’s beautiful, perfect little face pop over the drape as she was born. It feels like yesterday that she was placed on my chest screaming, then she stopped for a second as our eyes met. It feels like a minute ago that I cradled her, skin to skin, in my hospital bed in our empty bay. No one else, just me, her and the moonlight through the window. I inspected her little cherub body from head to toe, in awe of her beauty and how similar she was to her big sister and amazed that my heart was capable of holding this much love. The deep and wonderful realization that I am the mother to two incredible little girls is a moment that I know I will never ever forget. Our family was, and is, complete.
I think what made Alice’s newborn days fly by so fast is the fact that she’s just such a laid back little baby! She only woke once in the night from two weeks onwards (give or take a few hungry nights) and she’s just slotted in so wonderfully into our family. Ava absolutely adores her and the feeling is mutual; Alice’s little face lights up when she sees her.
What’s getting me through this ache that I’m feeling tonight is focusing on the future – I’m so excited about watching my girls grow up together and there are so many more milestones ahead that we can celebrate together. The newborn days are such a beautiful whirlwind but I love love LOVE watching my babies grow into actual little people, watching them discover the world, teaching them things, guiding them and just thoroughly enjoying every step of our lives together. Sure there’ll be tricky moments, but they just serve to make the sweet moments even sweeter.
So girls, my bed may be empty tonight, you may be tucked up tight and sweetly dreaming in your own rooms. But know this, always know this – my bedroom door, my bed, my arms and my heart will always be open to you, no matter how old you are.